This week was pretty unremarkable. I did the same stuff as last week and the week before. Since I’ve been here for 4 weeks now, I’m an advansaro. All the older elders left, and now we are the older elders. It’s kind of like a microcosm of high school in the way that there are three grades. So now I’m the hot shot senior. Haha. Except not really at all. I’m glad that I only have 2 more weeks because I’ve accepted that I’m not going to learn the language in the CCM, and any more time seems pointless. What I mean by that is I’ve accepted accepted that I wont know the language in the CCM and know that while I’m going to continue to work hard, I know that even 4 more weeks here won’t help me learn the language. I’m positive I’ll learn more in the field. Despite this, it is extremely scary to think about going out into the mission field because I’ve been playing in the kiddy pool here in the CCM, and I’m about to be dropped off in the middle of the ocean. It’s weird because I want to be out there in Huancayo, but I know that I can’t speak Spanish.
Something kind of interesting is that Elder Shreiner and I were made zone leaders this week. It’s not a big deal because in the CCM zone leaders don’t really do that much, but I’m glad I can try to help out. I really only mention it because I think being leader has helped me to get outside of my self and my own worries and trials and think of others. I hope I can learn can continue to learn from being ZL now.
Yesterday, I watched a message form Elder Holland, and what can I say, he gets me every time. His talk was about the story with Jesus and Peter. It starts after Peter denied Christ 3 times before the death of the Savior. Jesus after the resurrection finds Peter back at the sea fishing. Christ asks Peter, "Do you love me?" Peter answers yes. Christ asks again, "Do you love me?" And Peter answers yes. And yet again, Christ asks, "Peter Do, You, Love, Me?" Peter responds that he knows everything and knows that he loves Him. To which Christ responds, “Feed my sheep.”
Christ is asking me this same question. I’ve answered it the first time, “Yes, I love you. I’m here. I’m on a mission.” But he continues to ask me. Do you love me enough to bear your afflictions? I ask myself do I love Him enough to let Him do that for me? Certainly, Peter wondered and searched his heart to discern his true feelings for his Savior the third time Christ asked him. I too have the done same.
The question Christ asks is all encompassing. Christ didn’t ask will you follow me or do you trust me? He asked do you love me. Every hard thing I have to do on this mission and every hard decision I have to make comes back to this question. DO I love him enough to sacrifice a portion of my life to Him and to really trust in Him and do His will? Trust him in the language? This question also implies two things: one, that I recognize that He loves me and two, that He atoned for my sins and my pain. Also, it implies action: that I show Him my love by feeding His sheep. That is what I’m here to do but sometimes it gets hard, and I have to ask myself this same question. Do I love him?
I went to Los Pinos again last Saturday for proselyting. My comp was Elder Lorenzan, and he is the loudest kid here in the CCM. Anyways, we get along great, and we just trusted in the Lord completely because he knows less of the language than I do. We were with a member named Andrew who lives here and is going on a mission to Bolivia in November. We actually got to teach 8 little lessons. It was a lot of fun and way better than the first time.
Tell Anna to watch Frozen for me because it’s stuck in my head right now. And tell her I love her mucho. I hope everyone has a great week.
I love you all mucho,